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Completely Random but Really Interesting

Who is Mr. Cox?

G. P. South Architecture

Mr. Cox's Exciting Profile:

(In order to protect privacy, this alternate family agreed to pose for publicity photos. In reality, Mr. Cox has one brother, not two sisters. Also, the Cox family dog is not the size of a Shetland Pony.)

-Mr. Cox was born in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, a town that smells like burnt oats because it's home to a Quaker Oats factory, the largest cereal mill under one roof in the world. Cedar Rapids' motto is "The City of Five Seasons." I have no idea what this means, but I suspect at least two of those seasons are dark, depressing winters. Yes, I was quite excited about being born in Iowa.

-Our family moved to Lexington, Kentucky, shortly after I was born. My brother, Andy, was born there. In Lexington, Mr. Cox studied at Good Shepherd Episcopal School, Southern Elementary, Lexington Traditional Magnet School, and Dunbar High School. Mr. Cox also briefly studied at St. Heathen's Grammar School in West Shrewsbury.*


Good Shepherd Episcopal School	Triangle Park Downtown Lexington, KY	Paul Laurence Dunbar H.S.

-Our family moved to Owatonna, Minnesota, where I completed my last two years at an International Baccalaureate high school. Minnesota is similar to Michigan, except Minnesotans are generally more polite and know how to drive.


Owatonna High School	One of Minnesota's many pristine lakes	Downtown Minneapolis

-One of my English teachers forgot to write my recommendation for Princeton, and I was eventually waitlisted there. Instead, I decided to attend the University of Michigan. In the meantime, I vowed that if I ever became an English teacher, I would promptly complete any recommendation requests for students.

-At the University of Michigan, I studied English and history through the LS&A Honors Program and the School of Education. I completed my teaching internships at Greenhills School in Ann Arbor and Saline High School before graduating with High Honors.

Try to contain your disgust, State fans

The UofM Alumni Center

Lurie Tower on the North Campus

-Mr. Cox spent much of his time at the Harlan Hatcher Graduate Library, the largest of 20 libraries in the university system. The Hatcher (including the Tower, added in 1970) contains over 227,035 square feet of usable space and has one of the largest collections of papyrus manuscripts in the world. The Hatcher includes several carrels (study cubicles) designed for medieval gnomes. Do not try to study in the second sub-basement at the Hatcher (see photo at far right); the area is dark and creepy, and you will be unable to concentrate.

-While in high school and college, Mr. Cox volunteered when he could, recording books for the blind and helping through his church. He also held several jobs, including work in a grocery deli. The slogan for Hy-Vee, a chain based out of Iowa, is "Where there's a helpful smile in every aisle." The jingle doesn't clarify who is smiling, which is probably best. After a day of slicing head cheese and catering parties for bitter octogenarians, I usually smiled the most while punching out.

-Mr. Cox also worked for glass fabricator Viracon, making bulletproof windows and tinted security glass for ridiculously wealthy people, and for the legal firm Rust Consulting. He also earned his pilot's license and became a professional "sky editor," trailing skywriters with poor grammar skills in his custom-made "proofreading plane." (see above) The job, while lucrative and emotionally rewarding, tended to irritate recipients of the skywriting services.**

-Mr. Cox began teaching at Grosse Pointe North High School in the fall of 2001 and served as English department chair during his time there. He has taught several classes, including English and history courses, and he earned his M.A. in Humanities from Central Michigan University in 2006. In the fall of that year, he began teaching at Grosse Pointe South High School. In addition to planning lessons, proofreading essays, and grading homework assignments, Mr. Cox enjoys aligning the district English curriculum with the new state standards.

Errata:

*Mr. Cox did not really study at St. Heathen's Grammar School. Everyone knows heathens don't believe in grammar.

**Mr. Cox is not actually a professional sky editor. He does not even like to drive on 696, so he will probably not earn his pilot's license anytime soon.

-In the future, the state will provide schools with sophisticated grading machines to help students improve their communication skills. This will allow English instructors more time to interact with students and will free them from repetitive tasks, such as writing "i before e, except after c" in the margins of essays. As it stands, Mr. Cox spends an inordinate amount of time proofreading for his students. (160 students +10 minutes per essay = painful evenings and weekends)

Below are some photos of the Grade-Bot 500 series from IBM, along with the beehived Clerk-Bots who run the system. The Grade-Bot requires 60,000 volts of electricity, the Clerk-Bot requires only a diet Tab and the occasional can of Aqua-Net for touch-ups.